Emmet Cullen and the Holy Grail
by Skye Charcol Marie
Summary: It's a one shot story that i came up with with a few friends and we built up on it. It's supposed to be based on the Knights Who Say Nii from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, so it's supposed to be funny.


"I have one

"I have one!" Emmet cried as the loop in his line tightened. He laughed and began to reel it in.

Jasper jealously sneered at his line which was still loose and the bait still waded at the surface.

The water rippled as the fish thrashed wildly.

"It's a big one!" Alice cried, jumping up and down, "C'mon Emmet, reel it in! Reel it in!"

Emmet smirked, "I'm trying!" He gave one last tug with the rod and the fish was flopping for air on the dock at his feet.

Rosalie pulled down her sunglasses, "It's huge!"

Emmet held up the fish, the hook still attached to its lip, "Bella, what is it?" He asked running his large finger over the fish's sleek grey body.

Bella rummaged through the small white book that read '_Fish of the North_' on the cover, "That would be," She said flipping a page back and forth, "According to this book, that fish would be a herring."

"Nice catch," Edward said.

Emmet dropped the large speckled herring into the cooler Jasper was leaning on, "Anything you'd like to say?" he grinned wickedly.

Jasper glared at him, "I'm so happy for you." He said through clenched teeth.

Emmet slapped him on the back, "You know what this means, buddy-boy!"

The lean vampire's hands twisted into fists, "I owe you 400 dollars."

Emmet laughed hard, holding his sides. Edward sped over and gently poked Emmet in the shoulder. The large man wobbled and took a step back, not knowing that the dock ended. He plummeted into the murky green water below.

Everyone, including the annoyed Jasper snickered as Emmet came to the surface. He climbed back onto the dock and grabbed Edward by the ankle and pulled the other into the water with him.

All ran to the edge of the dock, Bella, Alice, Rosalie, and Jasper all gazed into the dark water. It had been a few minutes since they had both gone under and they became a little anxious. No one panicked, since neither of them could drown.

After about 5 minutes, bubbles ruptured from the glossy surface of the lake about 35 yards ahead. Swimming back towards the dock were soaked to the bone, Emmet and Edwards.

When the girls pulled Emmet from the water and Jasper with Edward, they all agreed it was time to head back.

"Not without my fish and my 400 dollars, Jasper!" Emmet cried, leaping to his feet.

"What?" Jasper gaped, "Are you kidding me? I didn't bring my wallet out _here_!"

"Jasper…" Emmet raised his brow.

The lean vampire sighed a long and heavy sigh, "I'll be right back." He turned a took a few steps toward the main road before making a last minute detour and shooting off into the woods.

"Dammit Jasper!" Emmet yelled and taking off after him. In the distance birds could be seen flying away from the racing boys.

Rosalie inhaled, "I'll guess I'll go check and make sure they don't murder each other, Alice come help me, one is yours after all." She turned, "See you at home, Edward. Bella." She took off in the same direction, Alice hot on her heels.

Bella went to Edward's side her hand around his waist, she shook her head. Bella then stopped, she let go of Edward and sniffed his shirt, "Edward…?"

He looked down at her, "What?"

"Why do you smell like wet dog?"

His eyes narrowed on her, Bella backed away, "Just kidding!" She continued to back up, but not before tripping over a stone. She landed in the sand with a rusty thud, "I meant to do that."

"Right," Edward laughed, helping her to her feet. He then picked her up in his rock cold arms and headed off into the forest back to the Cullen residence.

**Later That Day**

Jasper, after have losing 400 to Emmet, he wasn't too happy. He sulked in a chair thinking of a way of revenge. Usually, Jasper was a pretty nice guy, but today was an exception. Through the window, Jasper saw Emmet's jeep parked out front, the ice cooler in the backseat. And if that was there, that means the fish was in there too. He grinned to himself.

He rushed into the kitchen, grabbed a safety pin from the drawer, paper from the cabinet, and a pencil from the jar then headed out the door. Sulking around the hood of the car, he found himself in the backseat of the truck. He popped the lid off the cooler, immediately gagging at the smell of raw fish fresh from the lake. He grabbed the creature from the cooler and dragged it out into the open air. He snuck round to the side of the house, lying close to the wall as to not be seen. He jotted words down on the paper then pinned it to the fish. With his amazing aim and strength he propelled the fish through the window belonging to Emmet. Before anyone stopped to check the racket of the crashing glass, Jasper was back in his chair with a book, before anyone knew he was gone. Moments later, Emmet came bounding down the stairs the fish in his hand.

"Carlisle! Carlisle!" Emmet cried, "Come here!"

"What's all the fuss about?" Jasper asked with fake surprise.

He held the paper up to Jasper's face and shook it, "Check this out!"

Carlisle walked into the room, wiping his hands on a dish rag, "What's with all the yelling?"

Emmet pulled the paper away from Jasper and began to read the contents aloud:

Emmet,

I know who you are, but you don't know me. This note has come to you attached to thie herring for a reason. If you do not comply to this message's command, well, just don't think about the consequences. What I need you to do, is take this fish and use it to cut down that tree in the front yard of your home. Do this and you are safe. If you do not comply, I will not hesitate to take you down.

-Anonymous

"So," Carlisle began, glancing at Jasper, who gave him a 'revenge' look, sighed, "The note from the 'Anonymous' writer, says to chop down that tree with the herring or die. Which one will it be?"

"Death or fish?" Emmet tossed the odds back and forth.

**The Next Day**

Bella pulled up in her red truck and stepped out. The sun glazed her hair as she walked toward the house. She stopped in her tracks as she stared at the scene in front of her. Emmet was planted by the tree that was in the front of the house. He repeatedly kept on smacking the side of the tree with the fish from yesterday.

Bella glanced up and saw Jasper watching from the window. She grimaced and walked inside the cool house. Jasper was seated by the book shelf staring out the window.

"What's Emmet doing?" She asked, placing her bag on the floor.

The lean vampire glanced at her, "Chopping a tree down."

"Apparently, but with a fish?"

He shrugged.

Bella shook her head, "You did this didn't you?"

"How'd you guess?"

"Woman's instinct."

"He can stop anytime he wants." Jasper said, leaving his chair and heading upstairs.

Bella smirked as she left and went outside to Emmet where he continued to smack the tree with the withering fish.

"Emmet, what on earth are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" He panted.

Bella gently touched his cold bulky arm, "Why don't you take a break."

He hesitated, but reluctantly nodded.

As they walked into the house, Emmet took the fish and flung it over his shoulder. The fish soared through the air and landed in the branches of the tree. The weight of the fish caused the tree to bend and eventually snap in half.

Jasper grinned to Bella and Emmet as she walked passed. He glanced out the window then did a double-take. He ran to the door and braced himself in the doorway staring open-mouthed at the broken tree, "He did it? What the hell?!"


End file.
